Who Knew? All We Need Are Signs

Following on the heels of socialist Mayor Bill DeBlasio’s idea to paint “Black Lives Matter” on all New York intersections, signs are being touted as a cure for all societal ills. “Although Los Angeles crime did not go down when city areas and street names were changed after riots in 1970, this time is different,” said liberal activist Pi Insky. “Literacy rates are much higher today and people’s attention spans are so short they require quick quips. We are convinced signs will drive real action.”

San Francisco City Alderman, Fran Kluless said, “For over 50 years we have passed numerous laws, spent enormous amounts of tax dollars and strong-armed local businesses to end homelessness. It has not worked. We now will embrace it. Our new signs ‘home is where you park it’ will do the trick.” The signs will be placed right next to the current signs saying “Look Down,” with pictures of human waste and syringes.

We found a gentleman in Lake Forrest, IL an upscale neighborhood outside of Chicago passing out free signs saying, “Guns have no home here” at a local Ace Hardware store. He was encouraging homeowners to place them on their front lawns. We asked Mr. Georgie Pastrana for a comment, he said, “It is good to know who supports gun control in our community.” A quick background check found Mr. Pastrana had multiple home burglary arrests.

Social psychologist Jan Brown points out "the real messages behind some lawn signs are a form of virtual signaling and choosing sides. A popular one today is, “Hate has No Home Here.” Our research indicates this is a slam to neighbors that hold different political views." “It’s kinda ironic, in some ways they are sending a hate filled message to neighbors they politically disagree with,” said local John Stuyvesant.

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