Search

Sales of Kneeling Rugs Skyrocket



Textile companies that make rugs have seen a strong sales increase from the new trend of kneeling. Aviva Ajemera, owner of Southern Source Textiles cannot keep small rugs in stock. She said, “One of our employees attended a recent protest in Nashville. When she came back to the office her jeans were stained. She told me she had been kneeling to the Black Lives Matter protesters and got road grime on them. I said, ‘Take these rugs and head back out there and sell them.’ They were sold in no time.”


John Logan, VP of Marketing for All Things Rugs, Atlanta GA said, “Sales are brisk. We have several different lines of kneeling rugs. Our zebra pattern rug is called the Justin Trudeau line. We have the DC line to honor all the congress people, mayors and staff that kneel. We charge extra for them given taxpayer money buys them. Our best-selling line is the Los Angeles line. They are made to look like cardboard so it blends in with all the homeless areas of the city.”


The NFL is purchasing quite a few logo embossed kneeling rugs. James O’Reilly, senior purchasing agent said, “Currently it’s a very regional business. Almost all sales are to a few teams’ fan shops. The Rams, Chargers, Seahawks and Giants have bought most of them. Teams like the Chiefs and Lions have yet to purchase. Their fans are very patriotic and prefer flyovers and honoring veterans to their players kneeling during the Star-Spangled Banner.”


Patrick Gahagan, Chief Research Officer for Heartland News said, “We have done quite a bit of psychoanalysis of the heavy buying groups. We have found they are almost exclusively bought by upscale and suburban whites. They seem to be narcissistic, guilt-ridden, self-loathing progressives with an overwhelming fear of being called a racist.” Along that line, we caught up with JJ Walker, owner of JJ’s Barber Shop in Brooklyn. He commented, “You would think Americans would have learned lessons from history, we are all equal and should treat others that way. I am uncomfortable with anyone kneeling. I myself will only kneel to my maker someday.”




If you see some truth in this satire try subscribing to HeartlandNews.net. Warning, we may skewer one of your sacred cows!


43 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All