Ranger’s, Guard’s and Mall Cop’s Job Satisfaction Soars

Updated: May 19, 2020

The pandemic has been a gut punch to the American worker with millions losing their jobs. One sliver of good news however has come from an unlikely spot. A recent survey indicates that job satisfaction for our nation’s park rangers, security guards and mall cops is soaring. Patrick Gahagan, senior survey analyst for Heartland News found that the pandemic has made, what some thought were “Cop Wannabes,” into our frontline force in the social distancing battle. “My research indicates job satisfaction has doubled in the last 60 days,” cited Mr. Gahagan.

We interviewed John Smalls, Park Ranger at Osage County Park in Missouri, and he was in great spirits after a recent arrest. “My job before was mostly dealing with loud noise after 10 PM and campfire violations” he said. “But now, a day hardly goes by without a bust for fishing too close or hiking without a mask”. “You can’t put people in danger like that,” he said with an air of authority. Bill Brown, ex-biker gang member turned security guard for Hills Office Park in Los Angeles, was giddy when we talked with him. “No office worker on my watch rides those elevators without a mask and gloves. I have direct orders from the top and when they see me approaching, they know I mean business”.

Mall cops are also enjoying their new found respect. James Nick, a mall cop at the East Hills Mall outside of St. Louis said, “I was worried about my job at first but now that retail is opening up I am busy all day. I used to dread going to work each morning but now I get to work early. It starts with the senior walkers first thing in the morning, teens out of school during the day, and those store employees that think they can sneak a break from mask wearing. I used to see the occasional shoplifter and people loitering, but now I’m busting heads all day everyday.” Turning back to the office park, Bill Brown’s trained eye caught a worker trying to enter the elevator mask less. He joyfully exclaimed “I have not had this much fun since Sturgis 1979,” as he rushed after her.

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