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Possible Mutiny at CNN as Ratings Plummet


CNN’s ratings continue to plunge as the network struggles to stay relevant. Chairman of the analytics division at heartlandnews.net, Patrick Gahagan observed, “It involves a perfect storm of issues. First you have the ‘boy that cried wolf’ effect which is taking place due to some weekly new “crisis” with President Trump. The audience has grown tired and unbelieving. The second is the loss of the only real source of ratings, those at airports. Less travelers result in less ability to falsely boost ratings.”


All of this has been a disaster for CNN. They have lost ratings in all demographic groups except two; the 18-34-year-old very angry and very single urban females, and the 50+ highly educated and very smart (just ask them) suburban males. Rating losses have led to several cutbacks at the network. Unidentified staffers told us:

  • Interns have been reduced. Chris Cuomo has only two interns that follow him around telling him how “great” he is and shielding him from daily bad publicity.

  • Staff writers for CNN tonight with Don Lemon had their benefits slashed. They no longer have dues to the Socialist Equality Party and American Communist Party paid for.

  • All free breakfast foods and coffee have been eliminated. Occasionally the staff can feast on the day-old deli tray from meetings between CNN President Jeff Zucker and various dignitaries of the Democratic party.

These and other cutbacks have led to talk of a mutiny of sorts. Several hundred employees have signed a petition asking to merge with MSNBC. They believe combining the two networks will help them reach 50% of the ratings of Fox News, and have more than one show in the top 20. They are also asking that James Earl Jones be reinstated as the voice for all CNN commercials.


As dire as things are at CNN, all is not lost. The international division has seen rating increases this year. Ratings are up in Communist China, Venezuela, Cuba, Iran and the Russian Federation.

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