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Pelosi and Biden Hire Insult Consultant

Tired of being the brunt of President Trump’s insults and quips, Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden have hired famous insult consultant Ellen Junger. “Ellen has been on the ground less than 48 hours and Nancy has already landed a big hit,” said an insider close to Ms. Pelosi’s office. “The ‘morbidly obese’ comment was a way to tweak not only the President but also his most ardent followers. Joe Biden also landed one with his new nickname for Trump, President "Tweety". The media loved it and gave it major mentions during the evening news cycle.”



Democrat Spokesperson, Eileen Ramos said, “up until recently, the democrats have been the undisputed leaders in insults but we have gotten tired and formulaic. ‘Racist’, ‘homophobe’, ‘Bible beater,’ and ‘deplorable’ have run their course and Trump has taken the low ground we always held.”



Catching Ms. Junger outside her office she commented, “I am glad to be helping out the Democrats as they fight back against the obnoxious piece of human waste that occupies the Whitehouse. I sat on the sidelines as the poor excuse for a leader threw out the nicknames like ‘Creep, Sleepy Joe’ 'fake news CNN' and “Crazy Bernie.’ Well, now I am in the fight. By the way you could stand to lose a few pounds yourself. It would help the turkey neck look you are sporting.” She then smiled and said “I need to go. This is five minutes I will never get back. Bye loser and remember cut out those Java Chip Fraps”.


The hiring of Ms. Junger was a result of a leaked memo from the Whitehouse. In the memo it had suggested paths for the President to follow when landing insults on Twitter, press conferences and voter rallies. According to the memo, focus areas under consideration are calling Ms. Pelosi a “grinning gal”, a nod to her alleged plastic surgery, California Governor Gavin Newsome “Empty Suit Ken”, a suggestion he is a doll representing “all looks, no brains,” Michigan Governor, Gretchen Whitmer “Gulag Gretchen,” a result of her house arrest policies in her state and finally "amateur Abrams" signaling as the memo states "not ready for prime time".


Ms. Ramos said, “we are ready to rumble and look forward to an insult battle not seen since the 2008 campaign.”

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