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Hawaiians Ranked #1 in Social Distance Snitching

Updated: May 19, 2020


A recent poll indicates Hawaiians rank number 1 as social distancing snitches. Over 64% said they either Strongly Agree or Somewhat Agree with the statement, “it is my duty to report people to authorities who are not following the rules”. Washington DC was a close second at just over 53%, and Connecticut came in a distant third at 41% heavily influenced by the upscale suburbs near New York. Governor Ige of Hawaii was asked for a comment and said, “I am proud of my fellow Hawaiians. They have always been good and loyal subjects.”


The number of social distancing arrests and fines have skyrocketed in Hawaii since the Governor called for a strict travel ban. The ban states all visitors must stay inside their rooms for a minimum 14 days. He has affectionately called it the Hawaiian Time Out policy. Jay Snibe of Brooklyn, NY was arrested for visiting Hapuna State Beach and posting pictures on Instagram. Asked to comment after his arraignment he quipped, “It’s like the whole damn state is giving you the fricking finger, well I say, back at you!”



Hawaiian Resident George Hu said “If these visitors think they can come here and take pictures of our colorful rainbows, pristine beaches, flowing waterfalls and gorgeous sunsets, they got another thing coming. Stay inside when you visit us”. Hawaiian residents have been known to stalk popular tourist attractions and social media sites looking for visitors not abiding by the rules. When they find them, the authorities are often called. The governor said, “Once these crazy times are over and all Hawaiians are perfectly safe and not afraid, we will welcome back our visitors with open arms”.





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