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Clergy Shortage Expected This Thanksgiving


As the kooky leftists continue to clamp down in the name of everything COVID, Americans are turning to religious leaders for support and relief in an unconventional way. It seems thousands or even millions will be holding funerals for their turkeys.


California and some other blue states have instituted draconian laws and regulations to restrict family Thanksgiving festivities. In the once golden state these restrictions have become crazier than a SNL skit:

  • Gatherings that include more than 3 households are prohibited. This includes host and guests.

  • All gatherings must be held outside. Attendees may go inside to use restrooms as long as the restrooms are frequently sanitized.

  • Space must be large enough so that everyone at a gathering can maintain at least a 6-foot physical distance from others (not including their own household) at all times.

  • Any food or beverages at gatherings must be in single-serve disposable containers.

  • Face coverings must be worn. People may remove their face coverings briefly to eat or drink as long as they stay at least 6 feet away from everyone

  • Gatherings should be two hours or less.

You would think this would stop large gatherings from taking place, but Americans are an ingenious lot. They have discovered an exception to these restrictions and it comes in the form of funerals. It seems you can have up to thirty people at a funeral. Suzanne Gonzales, mother of six is having a funeral for a turkey on Thanksgiving and all of her adult children and their families will be attending. Oh, and her priest will be there to conduct the ceremony.


Suzanne is not alone it seems. Clergy from all denominations are quickly booking up times for funerals throughout the weekend. Paster George Henry of Lompoc Community Presbyterian Church said, “I have one funeral Wednesday night, three on Thanksgiving, one on Friday and Two on Saturday. Also, I have one family trying to change their funeral to a brunch so I can fit them in early Thanksgiving morning.”


In California, clergy are in short supply. Some are being recruited from out of state and others are turning to online courses to become minsters for the holidays. Universal Ministry’s on-line courses were inundated this week and briefly shutdown due to on-line traffic.


Unless the power-hungry politicians and bureaucrats act quickly it seems there will be a run on funerals for not only Thanksgiving but also Christmas and Hanukah. People will be attending many funerals for turkeys, pigs, beef and fish. “I encourage everyone to remember the customary honorarium. These are dark days.” Rev. Henry concluded, draping his “Gobble Gobble” bib over his robe.

Dr. Richard Longmouth, professor of religious studies at Compton Seminary said, “For years the leftist leaders have tried to remove religion from society, but it looks like this year many Thanksgiving festivities will have a more religious bent. Just like the first Thanksgiving.”



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