Anarchists Propose New Statues for Those Destroyed

Rioters, race hustlers, liberal arts students, adjunct professors and other assorted left leaning hangers-on have destroyed hundreds of historical monuments and statues across the country. Anarchists and other of society’s ineffective have realized that this has created a void for new statues and monuments to take their place. They have proposed new statues including:

  • Gordon Freeman – Quintessential geek from the Half-Life computer game. He has a Ph.D. degree in Theoretical Physics and fights off both inter-dimensional bad guys and well-armed government goons. Rioter and part time mushroom hunter Alexa Fern says, “My perfect boyfriend. Brave, smart and someone I can talk to.”

  • The Nameless One – An immortal amnesiac with really cool tattoos from the Planescape: Torment video game. “A great replacement for statues we’ve torn down around churches and synagogues,” said Antifa junior lieutenant Brendon Natsie. “Now that’s a god I can relate to.”

  • Lara Croft – Reckless, beautiful and a great shot from the Tomb Raider franchise. “All my friends wish she was real and we could date her,” said rioter Neil Toolost. “I know she would really like my game set-up in my mom’s basement.”

  • Batman – “Batman is the best because he doesn’t even need super powers to fight crime and be awesome! Even in his alternate identity, he is still an awesome rich guy,” said communist agitator Marcus Freebie. “Way better than Christopher Columbus for New York City and as a billionaire Bruce Wayne would certainly share his money with me.”

Psychologist Ander Wintemberg observed, “It is not surprising that the disenfranchised pick made up heroes. Their whole reality is made up.” Think of it, they make up American History, environmental science and economic theories. They make up every bad guy scenario, racism, sexism, capitalism etc. to explain why they cannot compete in the real world.”

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